


Find Yourself

by TheColorBlue



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Asexual Character, F/F, Multiethnic Identities, Northuldra (Disney)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22341700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheColorBlue/pseuds/TheColorBlue
Summary: Elsa had a whole song about showing her true self, but identity and finding your place in different communities can be complicated. Honeymaren tries to help, but keeps getting distracted by... how beautiful and cute Elsa is. ( °٢° )
Relationships: Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 78





	Find Yourself

Water wasn’t the only thing that holds memory. 

Elsa came back one day from a ride to Ahtohallan, looking distracted and perplexed. She sat on a log, ethereal and white as wind-swept snow, and looking very beautiful. When Honeymaren walked over, squatting down to flick Elsa’s forehead, and asking cooly, “so what’s rattled our resident noaidi,” Elsa’s brow knit further together. 

“I thought Ahtohallan was supposed to give me answers about the past, about mother, but it isn’t…really. I don’t know what I’m looking at, when I’m in there. Not always,” Elsa confessed. 

Honeymaren felt the particular feeling coming on. It was the feeling when Elsa tried to do everything herself. It was a little bit of the feeling that Honeymaren had always had about those Arendellans who thought they knew everything, but in times like this it was mixed up with fond frustration. Elsa was very cute, and very beautiful. It was hard to actually get truly frustrated with her. For Honeymaren, anyway. 

“What did you used to do in Arendelle, when you wanted to learn something?” 

“Well, I went to the castle library.” Elsa waved her hand and a little moving ice sculpture display appeared of Elsa as a child, pulling books from shelves and sitting alone at a table reading them. “I didn’t really leave the castle much, because of my powers, and I only had my one tutor—”

Elsa slowly trailed off as she looked at Honeymaren’s face. “What?”

“I’m trying very hard not to be judgmental about Arendellan ways, but what? What??!? Is it a normal practice to isolate and socially deprive children?”

Elsa pressed her lips together, looking suddenly mulish, when she said, “This was a special situation. Most children in Arendelle go to schools, in classrooms together with one teacher—”

“How can you learn everything you need to learn, if you only stay in one place to do it? And you only have one perspective to learn it from?” Honeymaren clapped her hands to Elsa’s checks and said, “You’ve been deprived! Deprived!!! And not just because your mother had to hide being Northuldra from you. It’s making me depressed just thinking about it.” 

“Stop making fun of me,” Elsa said from between Honeymaren’s hands. “I was trying to follow what I could. You know, with water holding memory, and Ahtohallan being the river of memory—”

“Elsa, for a mystical fifth spirit noaidi who communes with the spirits and broke the curse of the forest—you’re ridiculous. Water holds memory, but so do _people_. Your people! If you have questions, you should ask us about them too!” Honeymaren shook Elsa a little bit, and then thought about what she was doing, and released Elsa. She wondered if she smelled her hands, would she smell the peculiar, unique, wonderful smell of Elsa, like ice, and ash, and ocean mixed up together. Then she looked back at Elsa and felt a dim stab of guilt. Elsa looked unhappy. 

Elsa said, “I know I don’t really fit in here, in a lot of ways. I’m from Arendelle too, you know. That’s why—” then she looked away, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest. She only did that when she was on the verge of withdrawing into herself again. “You know what, forget about it—”

“Nope!” Honeymaren jumped to her feet. “I’m not going to forget about it. What’s wrong?”

Elsa paced away, and Honeymaren followed her. Honeymaren wasn’t usually like this. Ryder was the one who bothered people until they made him leave them alone, if they wanted him to leave them alone. Elsa brought out things in Honeymaren that Honeymaren didn’t even know what to do with. Elsa was—

Elsa said, sort of gesturing helplessly, “I thought, if I could figure everything out on my own, I would just fit in exactly where I belonged, without showing everyone just how different and awkward I really am. I’m tired of feeling alone. I’m tired of knowing I’m different, no matter where I am or which side of my family tree I’m with.”

Elsa was looking hard at the ground, her hands balled up. She didn’t look like an ice queen, or like a former queen of Arendelle. She looked sort of small, and bewildered, and unhappy, and Honeymaren swallowed and reached out to take Elsa’s hand. That was the other weird thing. Elsa always let her do things like that, and Honeymaren didn’t mind that she did. 

“Elsa,” Honeymaren said, “I don’t know everything, too. That entire time we were stuck in the forest, we couldn’t herd reindeer the way we were supposed to, following the migratory paths. Everything was stuck, and we kids couldn’t learn what we weren’t doing, and I think Auntie Yelana was afraid that with another generation stuck in the forest, we were going to start losing a lot of knowledge of our own ways, because we couldn’t practice them. Now we’re trying to catch up with our elders, and with the Northuldra families that went to different parts of the forest, or who were outside the whole time and became different from us because of it, like Kristoff. Nobody fits in with everybody all the time, not even me. But, you don’t have to be perfectly like the rest of anybody. I just like when you’re with us, as you.”

Elsa looked at Honeymaren’s hand, and then she looked at Honeymaren. Then she straightened her back, elegant and tall.

When she darted forward to kiss Honeymaren’s cheek, Honeymaren almost didn’t catch it. Like a single perfect snowflake that melted as soon as you touched it. 

“Umm,” Honeymaren said, a moment later. 

Elsa didn’t even say anything. Her face was getting very pink. 

“So,” Honeymaren said, her voice sounding weird even to herself, “So was that a kiss between friends, or more than friends, because you know I was thinking—”

“I’m not normally like this,” Elsa blurted out. “I don’t. I don’t do this kind of thing. I really thought that people were exaggerating when they said that they felt weird things and lost control of themselves around, you know, and when they like someone. I thought they were making it up!!” 

Honeymaren valorously ignored the ‘when they like someone’ part to address the other bits of Elsa’s confusions. “—What about Anna and Kristoff?”

“I thought it was a weird thing that would only happen to Anna and not to me!!”

“That’s—”

Elsa glared at Honeymaren. 

Honeymaren bit her lip, and then smiled anyway. “Okay. Do you want to… do anything besides kissing?”

“No.” Elsa hunched down and covered her face with her hands. “Oh, I’m such a fool, I can’t be free—” she groaned. 

“You’re so dramatic,” Honeymaren said, suddenly full of happy, tender feelings. She crouched down too and put her arms loosely around Elsa, like protecting her from her own embarrassment with the circle of her arms. “And… cute.”

Elsa was quiet for a moment. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Honeymaren said, and kissed Elsa again, lightly on her star-snow white hair. “Really really really.”

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the resources I looked at:  
> -Sami education systems: https://www.laits.utexas.edu/sami/dieda/hist/suffer-edu.htm  
> -Sami noaidi: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noaidi


End file.
